My Toxic Traits

This post is pretty cathartic to write.

So this idea came to me whilst I was in bed just about to fall asleep, as most ideas do.

I was reflecting on all the bad traits I have and what I could do to overcome them.

(I'm self-reflective as hell these days cause I got an amazing new book - called "Don't sweat the small stuff and its all small stuff") 

So I decided it would be pretty interesting (&therapeutic) to list my bad qualities in the hopes that someone can relate and say "omg im like that too" so I don't feel like total trash :).

Lets begin!

#1 My Patience

I have none, point blank.

Like if I'm in a slow moving line I literally have to do breathing exercises so I don't explode. 

I really need to work on this because its becoming ridiculous, like even if someone is telling me a story and the story is annoyingly long ill start getting frustrated or if I'm on a bus and a someone is taking too long to pay and get their ticket, that and many other scenarios perfectly display my issues with just waiting.

#2 My Selfishness

This is one of my most hated traits.

Its not all the time but sometimes if I have something, some form of glory, ill be hesitant to share it with anyone else.

Hear me out though I'm not the type to have a top or shoes and refuse to tell people where I got it from, its not like that.

But sometimes if I'm super happy with something, like a friend, I wont want to share them, like, introduce them to my other friends, even if I know they'd get along really well. 

But I eventually realise how stupid I'm being and snap out of it.

#3 My Inability to Be Serious

I hate being serious. I avoid it all costs.

So in a scenario when I need to be, it causes issues cause I'll still try and make some form of joke *facepalm*

Its awful

So I try and avoid serious things all-together.

Like funerals.

#4 My Persistent Need For Revenge

This hits super close to home cause I'm struggling with this right now.

I had friends who treated me pretty badly and I know deep down that now we don't speak, I should forget them and move on

Yeah I cant.

Sometimes ill still find myself creeping on their social medias just to re-affirm that I'm doing better than them, just because they treated me so badly

Or I'll formulate plans to ruin them.

THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY MINDSET

THE BEST FORM OF REVENGE IS MOVING ON AND BEING HAPPY - wise words a dumbass like me wont listen to. 

#5 I.AM.TOO.JUDGEMENTAL

This is hands down the worst.

Sometimes I can be the most negative person ever, but in my head, I never outright say it.

But its literally like I have two personalities in my head.

If I see something strange or different the little voice in my head will be like "ew what is that" or "ew she's so annoying"

and then the other voice in my head is saying "shut up don't be rude"

Its the most annoying thing

They're constantly at war and sometimes I wish I could just get rid of the rude person in my head and be completely positive

But its obvious that's never happening

#6 I Can Love Everything Else But Myself

Maybe this isn't a toxic trait as much as it is just a personal problem that I know a lot of people have but I've always had an issue with self-love

its back and forth

some days ill love who I am and some days I wont.

But it becomes a bigger problem when I can see the light in everything else but me.

I've been called out a lot for the harsh criticism on myself and sometimes ill have to remind myself to treat myself with the same compassion that I give to everything else.

Its hard.

Cause I constantly see myself at fault and always see myself as something that needs to be improved.

I don't really know how to end this point so I'm just going to end this post.

I hope for anyone reading that you found this interesting.

Feel free to leave a comment or even a response post!

Bye!