I am Trapped

My unintentional three-month hiatus is over. If you thought I forgot bout you, think again.

Let me just re-express that this hiatus was never planned it kind of just happened, you probably think I’m lying and rightly so, I have had many opportunities to post something but instead I neglected my blog completely.

Apologises.

But it was a mixture of laziness and complete writers block but since I have been gone so long I do have some pretty cool updates.

#1. I got a job, finally. Not the job I intended to get because I had other places in mind but I’m still grateful. I won’t reveal it on here just because, but it is a very popular, very cheap, very big retail store in England and America (I think)

#2. I’m still 16. But I won’t be in a month’s time. I plan on getting a rainbow cake. (May 31^st don’t forget guys ;)

#3. My Instagram plan failed in a horrific mess. I planned on having a cute page filled with pictures that were posted regularly but that plan literally collapsed in on itself.

#4. I plan on abandoning every moral I have. I promised to myself that I would stay loyal to the Android phone crew and stick to having a Samsung phone and I do currently but I plan on getting an iPhone next.

What can I say, although the IOS updates will be annoying and iPhones break so easily, the camera is amazing, the snapchat is better and you can get an iPhone case for cheap LITERALLY ANYWHERE. Literally any retail store.

Also the more expensive iPhone cases are beautiful, if you wanted to get something like a Marble Samsung Case it can’t be a lesser known Samsung like a J5, it has to be the latest like the S8. With iPhones, all their phones are widely known and you can get a gorgeous case for literally any of them.

Anyways, I’m getting side-tracked.

You’re probably wondering what the hell the title of this post is about.

It kind of originated from a Religious studies class I just had, like literally an hour ago.

I’m typing this at school on word and the environment is very loud.

The religious studies class was about ethical egoism and it focused on Max Stirner (a Philosopher) and we someone got onto the idea of what life would be like without any laws, rules, or social norms that we have collectively imposed as a society.

Some went with the obvious answer:

Corrupt.

 

But my friend was puzzled when I said, “It would be better”

 

Let me explain.

I put down on paper that it could go one of two ways, chaotic or just, better and I do know that people would utilize the freedom they have and become completely ungovernable and just cause terror but for others like me, it would be complete bliss, no social norms, no fears of what people think and no obligation to go to school.

With that, I would leave, maybe not permanently but anything can happen.

I feel trapped, in a bubble I cannot escape.

It’s not that I’m too lazy to escape, I just can’t. I’m held back by school, no money, no permission to leave and no one I can leave with because let’s admit it, It’s a naïve idea.

I want to go somewhere, no place in mind but just somewhere, anywhere.

wanderlust

ˈwɒndəlʌst/

noun

wanderlust

a strong desire to travel.

"a man consumed by wanderlust"

Without rules or anything, I’d take myself and I’d get into a car or a coach or a train and I’d just go, live somewhere new.

A new environment with new people and maybe sit in a field and read.

Or just go to a close coffee shop, order a drink, and sit and look outside the window at people passing by, wondering what thought is occupying their mind at that very moment.

I think about this all time and it makes me sad because to be honest, I’m not living the life I want right now and I only have one which makes it even worse.

You’re probably all thinking,

“You have so many years to lead the life you want”

Yes, I do but I want to use every year, every minute and every second I have to lead the best life I can.

But that’s not seen as realistic, is it? Nope.

Instead, revise for exams.

Go to work.

Etc.

Maybe everyone is secretly like that because that’s what I think, I think that a majority of people dislike the position they are in at this current moment and would rather be somewhere else.

It’s hard to accept that we can’t escape but it’s harder to accept that, that’s our reality.

I just want to get away from the environment I’m in, maybe because of stress but it’s more to do with a powerful curiosity.

I read a quote somewhere but I cannot find it anymore but it said something along the lines of –

“The whole world is your home, don’t forget to explore it”

My heart is so full,

Full of love I want to give,

Full of impulsive curiosity to just get up and leave.

I hope one day I have the courage to act upon my desires.

Thank you for reading.

Liyah.